John 8:32… AMEN! (Part II)

Okay dear reader, we left off with me sitting in the office of a priest who had just offered to hear my first confession in several years…

I mean… Seriously, how could I refuse? The culmination of all that I had been searching for, the end of all of my confusion, Jesus was AT MY DOOR KNOCKING!!

I was so nervous that I couldn’t remember how to start, so he gave me a small pamphlet so I could do what is called my “examination of conscience”. When I was ready, he heard my confession… I trembled and sobbed like a baby through the whole thing and when we were done, I said my act of contrition. He raised up his hand and as he extended his arm towards me I heard Jesus, through the priest’s voice, say those AWESOME words… “I absolve you of all of your sins…” I could FEEL the grace of God surge through me and I hadn’t felt so free, so excited in all of my life! At that moment, the priest leaned towards me and whispered with a smile: “welcome home William…” HALLELUJAH PRAISE BE TO GOD!! I WAS FINALLY HOME!!!

I immediately left his office after thanking him and went right across the street to the sanctuary of the church, knelt in front of the tabernacle of the blessed Eucharist and prayed my first rosary in years…

Okay, so just to clarify, this all happened about two years into my journey. So, at this point I knew where I needed to go, where The Lord wanted me to be… But I had to get my family to follow me… I had sworn when I was a kid that I would NEVER allow myself and my wife, whomever she might be, to be split and go to separate churches. I couldn’t even think it!

So what was I to do? How did God want ME to handle this?

The first thing I thought was that I should invite my wife to attend a Catholic Mass with me. However, much to my surprise, she offered to attend a mass with me before I got the chance (I always wonder what my face looked like at that moment)!! Needless to say I was shocked! So of course I took her up on her offer.

Ummm… yeah, so that was a COMPLETE disaster! LOL! She had NO idea what was going on during the Mass and what all of these weird people were doing standing, kneeling, standing, sitting and kneeling some more… Not to mention it seemed that a lot of people weren’t singing and were just going through the motions. Having spent all of her life in an evangelistic Baptist church, this was a whole different world in her mind. To her, this looked NOTHING like “worship” as she knew it. When Mass was over, while I felt spiritually “refreshed”, she cried and didn’t say anything to me the whole 25 minute ride home…

“If men only appreciated the value of a holy Mass they would need traffic officers at church doors every day to keep the crowds in order.”     Padre Pio

Naturally, the next logical step in my own mind was to drive or force my wife into the church… I was ON FIRE with the truth and she HAD to know! Bad idea… Let me tell you something… I found out that that woman is the most stubborn person on the face of the earth! I all but drove her away permanently…

I love my bride and I adore my children. As their spiritual leader, letting go of the reigns was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done. I just wanted to scream out the truth and somehow drag them into the nearest Catholic pew… I wanted to make her see that I was right! I learned, once again the hard way, that I couldn’t be the one to bring my wife and children “home”… That is the job of the holy spirit.

It was about this time that it hit me that this wasn’t about me being right or wrong… This wasn’t even about my marriage or our kids! This whole situation was about putting my trust in Jesus and giving up control to Him. This had to be a choice freely made by my wife out of love for, and faith in, The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit. I could only deliver the message that God laid on my heart, mind and lips, but it was God through the Holy Spirit whom I had to let work in my family’s hearts.

I prayed one constant prayer (almost) every night… For God to work through me and through His Church; that He would work within my wife and my children so that they would gain the desire to come home to His One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church.

In September of 2017 we learned that we were pregnant with our third child. The first two pregnancies had gone off without a single problem so the thought never occurred to us that something would go wrong. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong… We went into our appointment for our initial ultrasound and found that the baby had passed away…

Needless to say, this was a life-changing moment for us that we never saw coming… Our belief in the miracle of LIFE at conception meant that a couple of weeks later, when my wife passed the embryo, we could not do what others had suggested we do… Just “flush it” and move on… To us, our child had a name and that name was “Emerson Reese DiMaggio”.

My wife and I wholeheartedly agreed that we couldn’t just “dispose” of our child as the world was telling us was okay to do. My Lord died and rose again for Emerson just as He did for all of us. Two months prior to this event, I had officially filled out the paperwork to become members of our current Catholic parish (with the blessing of my wife even though she wasn’t Catholic). Keep in mind that at this time my wife and I had decided that we would attend both the Baptist church AND the Catholic Church.

My first call was to our priest and WITHOUT HESITATION our priest was there for us. We were given a casket at no charge by our local funeral home. My God we were so blessed with family-like support from our Catholic parish… From tons of people who barely even knew who we were! Thank the LORD for that community!

Suffering without Christ just hurts. But suffering with Christ can transform the world.     Father Mike Schmitz

The graveside burial service was to be on a Saturday morning. I picked up the casket the evening before and I was up until probably 3:00am that Saturday morning doing wood-burnings for Emerson’s casket… As for our priest, I cannot say enough good things about him. That blessed man who we hadn’t had a lot of interaction with, other than a couple of brief conversations over several month’s time, did something for us that I’ll never forget.

I’ll never forget how cold it was that day… As we parked at the church, I looked up the hill towards the cemetery behind the church and I didn’t really see anything… But when we got out and started walking up the hill towards the cemetery, I saw a fresh mound of dirt under a tent with several chairs. And standing there in the fresh and frigidly cold morning air was our priest dressed in full ceremonial regalia.

He performed an absolutely BEAUTIFUL ceremony. It was not just a burial service, but also a naming ceremony too. It only lasted for about 20 minutes, but I stayed sitting under the tent and prayed my rosary while the, what looked to be high-school age assistants at the graveside started filling the hole up with the dirt from the mound… It took me about 20 minutes to pray my rosary on that freezing cold morning. Of course, my wife stayed by me, but our priest, that wonderful man of God stayed standing there behind us the entire time… I know he had to have been freezing! I couldn’t even feel my fingers by the time I was done praying! I will NEVER forget the kindness shown to us that day…

While I cannot read (or ever pretend to have the ability) to read my wife’s mind, I am able to read her heart fairly well… After these events I sensed a change in her. I saw a growth in her faith and her relationship with Jesus. I also noticed that our relationship started healing and it has been absolutely wonderful…

One thing too, that has helped me up to this point, especially with coming up on the one year anniversary of Emerson’s passing in a couple of months… Is a little tradition that I have with my two girls. When they come with me to Mass, before the service starts, they go up with me to light a votive candle for Emerson, either at the foot of the statue of Our Blessed Mother or St. Joseph on either side of the altar in the front of the church. For me, the candle also serves as a visible reminder that Emerson is present with us in the celebration of The Mass along with all the other saints of heaven. For those of you not familiar with what a votive candle is, a votive or “prayer” candle is a small candle that is lit during an act of prayer and the burning flame symbolizes the ongoing nature of the prayer.

I feel as if I have experienced several outward and inward changes over the last four years during all of this. However, the largest change of all in this entire journey so far has been that of my own heart. I don’t wish to state how I believe I have changed for the better, for to do so would be to invite pride into my heart.

But my goal has always been to be the best husband and father that I am able to be… I firmly believe that through His Church by the grace of God The Father Almighty, and being nourished by The Blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist while regularly taking advantage of opportunities to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I am able to continually improve in those roles for the sake of Christ and for my family.

As a husband and father I am called to lead my family to Him and I have to say that without a doubt, this journey has prepared me to do just that. Before all of this happened, I wasn’t sure how to fulfill such a large role in my life… I have learned to let go and have authentic faith. Have the trials and tribulations of this journey made me perfect? Absolutely NOT… But as the journey continues (hopefully you’ll keep going with me), I hope to keep improving with the guidance and grace of The Lord.

I continue to pray for my wife and my children; that they may make their choice with free will and come to know the joy of intimacy and relationship with The Lord through the “Flesh” that “is true food” and the “Blood” that “is true drink” given to us in the sacrament of The Most Holy Eucharist…

There you have it my dear reader! I have, to the best of my ability (without writing something that would take you days to read), brought you through my four year journey home to The Roman Catholic Church. I hope that you will continue to follow this blog and travel with me as my relationship with Christ continues to grow within His Church since it is nowhere near over, but has merely just begun!

May The Lord’s will be done…

In God’s plan, nothing happens by chance. St. John Paul II

If you don’t mind I will end with my favorite prayer to our Blessed Mother…

“Hail Mary, Fully of Grace, The Lord is With Thee… Blessed art thou among women and Blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus… Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death…”

“Glory Be to The Father, to The Son and to The Holy Spirit… As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be… World without end, Amen…”

“In the name of The Father, of The Son and of The Holy Spirit… Amen…”

Until next time my dear reader…

Your Humble Servant In Christ,

William